I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize