Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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