I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
