I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
