did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
jump out the window naked night went bad
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
