I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize