If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
