So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
