I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
