He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
