wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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