I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
