Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize