I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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