You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize