I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
