Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
