Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
