Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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