Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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