One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
