It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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