I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
