i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So many bounce houses so little time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
