I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
