I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
