a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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