whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
