we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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