She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
