I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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