I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
