I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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