If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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