so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
