Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
