Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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