I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
