Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
