i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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