Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
PANTIES FOUND
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