a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize