you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
