some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sex in a hospital.. check
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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