i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
