awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
