So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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