I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
