Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
