Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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