so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
two words: eviction party
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
