Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
