I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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