Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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