This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
