there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And then he peed in my hair
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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