hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
