Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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