Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
