Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
