This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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