dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
