wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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